The DVD cover proclaims that "This sure ain't Sunday School." And I have to admit that putting Jesus in a movie with vampires, Mexican wrestlers, lesbians and kung fu fighting on the hard-hitting streets of Montreal, Canada would seem to promise nothing if not pure, unadulterated blasphemy. But after watching it, I felt not only unsoiled, but strangely uplifted. Now having seen it, I must confess the movie is theologically correct in a way that Biblical Blockbusters like The Ten Commandments and Mel Gibson's The Passion never could be. That's because the Jesus of more pious productions is a Jesus who never challenges our expections, only blithely fulfills every single one of them.

The Jesus of Vampire Hunter sloughs off expectations at every turn. He gets a haircut, pays a visit to the local piercing and tattoo parlor, and buys new duds at the local second-hand clothing outlet. He runs away when we expect him to fight, fights when he should give up. He's strangely vulnerable, not a superhero or superhuman, seemingly lacking any purpose or ambition. But he cares about the downtrodden. If you don't like the idea of a kung-fu-fighting Jesus, just think of it as a metaphor. Like the scene where he takes on a van-load of bat-wielding atheists as a metaphor of the struggle between faith and doubt, or something like that. Yeah, that's what that scene meant.

If this Jesus is upsetting to the more traditionally pious, he'll also offend liberals, because he's a supernatural Jesus. I'm not just talking about the scene where God speaks to His Son through a cherry sundae, or where his mom the Virgin speaks to him through a cheesy, plastic ornament. This Jesus fights against "principalities," an army of undead who taunt him, "You came back from the dead? So did we. You offer eternal life? So do we. But we offer POWER!" What Would Jesus Do if an army of vampires drove a stake through His heart? To find out, you'll just have to watch the movie.

But in the end, this is a Jesus who affirms life and the dignity of the least among us. The vampires have been targeting lesbians, "because nobody cares what happens to lesbians." But Jesus cares, and he uses his miraculous powers to restore life to people of all sexual orientations. How can you not feel uplifted at the end of the film when Jesus proclaims the coming of the Kingdom of God to his raggedy group of followers, and they all join in singing the anthem, "Everything's fine, everything's right, everybody's gonna get laid tonight!" This film should be required viewing in every Sunday School in America.